"Guys, guys! I got an idea for an adventure! The party will be facing devils, dragons, mind flayers, and more! There will be danger, derring-do, and romance! It'll be the best thing ever!"

"Yeah, so who's in the party?"

"Aw yeah, you're gonna LOVE this. See, we got a wizard prodigy with a bomb in his chest, a barbarian devil-woman with an engine in her chest and who is ON FIRE, and this pissed-off Githyanki warrior..."

"Cool. Anyone else?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. Our cleric is a WHINY LITTLE SNOT with the personality of a SNITTY TEENAGE GIRL."

"Umm..."

"Oh yeah, she's also like, 'Ooooh, I'm so secret and mysterious' and 'I HATE YOU MOM AND DAD' and 'IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, MOM. THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM, MOOOOM!'"

"Uh, okay...what's her name?"

"'Shadowheart!'"

"Dude, that's the stupidest fucking name I've ever heard. That sounds like the name of a fucking Care Bears villain."

"It does not! She's just, like, so *cool* and *mysterious,* and she like, totally worships the Goddess of Darkness and she's so totally awesome and sassy and..."

"Why does she have that ugly-ass fringe? That's the worst haircut I've ever seen."

"Yeah, well, who cares what you think? I've already given her more story content than any of the other party members. And she TOTALLY gets nicer two-thirds of the way through the game, right around when people start itching to begin a new play-through!"

"Wait...is...is this your girlfriend's character?"

I Hate This Character So Goddamn Much