Uncontrollable, burning desire to excel

ᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜ

I know this sounds like normal behavior and a normal thing for a teenager to want/desire.

For me, it feels different. Every time I think about the future I get a deep feeling in my stomach. I'm unsure about the future. I don't know if this is jealousy, fear, or uncertainty that I'm feeling. I just want to be rich, to take care of my parents when I'm older. I refuse to be in the lower class like my parents are. I hate to say it, but they are. We are poor. We are immigrants. They did everything they could for me though and I'm grateful for that. That's besides the point though.

I just want to make an impact. I don't know if I want to be rich, famous, or both. Every time I think about the future it's like my stomach drops and my mood immediately dips. The feeling destroys me and I hate that I can't properly describe it in words. It's surreal. This is not normal.

At the same time, life is so beautiful and I don't want to spend my life chasing something materialistic. I always enjoy the small things. This might be why I can never focus on projects, school, or programming. It might be the one part of myself that's still intact and not run by fear of falling behind.

That knot in my stomach when I think about the future.. i think that's worth taking seriously, not to brushing it off as "just teenage ambition." Every time I think about the future or about getting rich I just feel insanely sad depressed and not knowing whats next etc.

People have put insanely high expectation on me from a young age. Since I was 9, I've been extremely technical, always helping with tech, building, and exploring. I've always had great English despite it being my second language and I have always been able to talk to people and I've always been very enthusiastic. People saw how "smart" or gifted I was and immediately expected the most, and I think that's what destroyed me. Now it just feels like I'm struggling to barely keep up.

This sounds insanely dumb, I sound greedy, weird, and like im seeking attention. I'll stop right about here. I'm just lost. Insanely lost. And being lost wont help me get rich.

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TL;DR: I want to be rich and it's destroying my mental health

Posted Aug 12, 2026, 8:22 PM UTC

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