Nearly Four Years Trying yet I'm still stuck here (TW: Demotivating Post)

TW: this post will contain demotivating thoughts, that's why I'm taking all the necessary cautions, and should it break any rule, please don't hesitate to report it so it can be properly deleted.

Also, should I mention someone here, it's not anyone I've talked to in Reddit, I promise.

!Well... This is my first post here, and the reason why it's because I feel that I have done almost everything I could think about in order to shift...!<

!In a nutshell... My current life it's very, very difficult.!<

!I have to deal with a lot of heavy stuff... And, it seems that, no matter what I do, I tend to mostly lose, with very few victories in between... !<

!I know I'm not a saint, as I've made a lot of mistakes as well, and I fully understand and accept that... Yet, even when I try to do good, it seems that I'm really bad at it as well...!<

!Honestly... I've studied more about shifting than even my own college major, also I've tried a lot of methods, and while I used to get some results... Now, I'm stuck, and I haven't been able to trigger anything aside from some seldom hyper realistic dreams...!<

!So... May I ask what else I could do?!<

!How could I regain some extra hope and motivation? !<

!Thanks for listening and please take care.!<