why is it so hard to find a good therapist who actually understands trauma? feeling frustrated

i swear finding a therapist who can actually help with bpd and trauma is becoming a fulltime job in itself

the last year of trying to find someone has been genuinely awful. in my case my bpd is very obviously rooted in severe childhood abuse and i want a therapist who can help me understand and work through both the bpd symptoms AND the things that caused me to develop these coping mechanisms in the first place.

instead every therapist i’ve found seems obsessed with my career. “how’s work?” “how do you feel about your career?” “what are your career goals?” CAREER THIS CAREER THAT meanwhile i literally never complain about my job. it’s not even something i’m struggling with so i don’t understand why it keeps becoming the main focus of therapy.

when i actually talk about my childhood they’re shocked. like genuinely shocked. they’ll just sit there looking stunned instead of actually knowing how to help me process it.

i’ve also had therapists straight up victim blame me or take the side of an abuser which has honestly been one of the most bizarre and damaging experiences.

for example i had a partner who would physically force me to have sex with him. i told a therapist about it and her response was literally, “oh, well he was young so…”

girl???? we were BOTH 19. 😭😭😭

19 is old enough to know that physically forcing your partner to have sex with you is not okay. i genuinely cannot understand how that was her takeaway. especially since she worked with men who were on the offender registry.

then when i talk about actual bpd behaviors the response is basically “well you just need to stop doing that.”

IF I COULD JUST STOP DOING IT I WOULD 😭

that’s literally why i’m paying you.

i understand that i’m responsible for my behavior and that i need to learn healthier coping mechanisms. i’m not looking for someone to excuse harmful behavior. i’m looking for someone who understands WHY my brain reacts the way it does, can help me identify the patterns, and can actually teach me skills to change them.

and honestly i don’t think it should be THIS difficult to find therapists who actually specialize in trauma. not “i have a trauma informed checkbox on my psychology today profile.” i mean therapists who genuinely understand complex trauma, childhood abuse, and what happens when those experiences shape your entire way of relating to people.

because at this point i’m genuinely wondering: has therapy been gentrified??? 😭 is it just for people who need to talk about their annoying coworker and basic work stress now???

because WHY am i constantly being redirected toward career discussions when i’m literally sitting in front of you trying to talk about childhood abuse and bpd 😭

i’ve specifically looked for therapists who say they work with bpd, trauma, childhood abuse, etc. and somehow i keep ending up with people who seem completely unequipped to deal with any of it.

at this point i’m starting to understand why nevada ranks so terribly for mental health lol. 😭

has anyone else experienced this?? especially with therapists who claim to specialize in trauma or bpd but then seem completely unprepared when you actually bring those things into the room?

have you had a genuinely good therapist who actually understood both bpd AND the trauma underneath it? because at this point i feel like i’m looking for a unicorn and it is PISSING ME OFF lmao.