I just got over my avoidant in record speed (for me) and I have some words of wisdom...

I'll be brief.

That wonderful, emotionally intelligent, perceptive, loving, caring, funny, vulnerable, compassionate, incredible person my avoidant ex briefly was is gone. Long gone, now, months and months. Who knows where he went. I'd love to have an answer, but I probably never will.

All I know is that he refuses to go back there, to that person he was, because it must be painful for him. Painful to see himself so vulnerable, open and happy; painful to see he was capable of it despite his fears; painful to know he sabotaged it, painful to accept how much he hurt me. So he cuts it off, pretends it never happened and treats me like a stranger.

And so here's what else I know – that wonderful person he showed me at first is real, but the REST of him is limited and damaged and someone I need to have profound boundaries around.

Also: now I know I need to wait to see someone far more fully before rushing into anything EVER again.

I hope other people here can follow my advice!