I don’t wanna fire but I don’t wanna live either

Was looking for ways for painless death but couldn’t find any legit ones which guarantee dying. I live on the 22nd floor but am too chicken to jump off the balcony. Daily life feels like a chore. Have a job but it kills me more every moment. In the last 2 years, there hasn’t been a single moment when I wasn’t thinking about ways to kill myself. The worst part is thinking about the people who would feel bad because of me once I’m gone and it stops me from taking the step but I can’t talk to them about it either. Everyone has so much expectations from me and since leaving college and working for almost 5 years now, I have understood that I’m just a shell of a person who plays a role of a mediocre person in public but is big cunt in reality.

Don’t wanna take anxiety and depression meds as I’ve heard they worsen the symptoms. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

I am afraid of death but life doesn’t seem to intrude me anymore.

Some writer said, “It’s like I’m standing at the window of a tall burning building. What do I do? Jump or burn?”

I don’t even know how I got here, I don’t even use this account, I got tired of talking to AI chatbots. Yes, AI chatbots have been my source of talking to someone.

PS: Turned 28 yesterday