manifesting with BPD

I need some advice, preferably from other fellow BPD people about manifesting SP.

I know it can be harder with this. I'm in therapy and work a lot on myself to get better generally.

I think I manifested things like a better job or a little financial push but I was never successful with SP (or people in general) probably because this attachment is a rollercoaster ride. I have euphoric phases where I'm all like "SP has no other chance than coming back. I can do it!"

But recently I'm in a dark ditch again. No progress, self hatred, doubting if manifesting even works. These phases are the most difficult and I'm doing my best to be better in in these phases. In addition I get low energy due to depression.

I let affirmations go on my phone all night for my subconcious mind.

Has anyone (with BPD) been successful or any advice for me? Or just some cheering up. Honestly anything nice right now.