Feeling exhausted w/ avoidant WH

We're about 5 months post dday (multiple ddays w/ this last affair). Long story short: WH is a chronic cheater, even before our relationship. He had several instances of gaslighting me and inappropriate friendships w/ other women. EA in 2023 that seemed like it was just for validation over the phone. EA/PA from 2024-2026 which involved a lot of deception and logistics.

The beginning of R was hopeful. He became very anxiously attached to me. Even though the revelation was horrible, I was finally getting the attention from my husband that I noticed went away. He was able to support me for a couple of months but then after my battery of several flooding days, he became tapped out emotionally. I asked him what work he has done to figure himself out, he barely scratched the surface. When he started the work, he began to distance himself. Then I reacted to the distance w/ my own.

For the past 2 months, he's been avoidant. Now my grief isn't w/ the affair, it's how he behaves around me and over the phone. How he responds flatly to texts or photos. When I say, "I love you" at the end of a call, he just mumbles in return.

He said he knows I need emotional safety in a relationship, but he does not have it himself. He feels vulnerable to "messing up" which would lead to the end of R. We're scheduled to begin CC this month w/ a trauma informed therapist. This was his idea, introduced to him by a male friend he has been confiding in. But he's been dragging his feet.

He told me to just keep acting like myself, no matter how he's behaving. However, the more love and affection I give w/ no reciprocity ends up hurting me greatly. My anxiety is very high. He basically only shows affection as a return of mine every 1 bid for connection out of 10.

My miss my best friend. My husband has never treated me this way, at least not this long. It's terribly disruptive and dysregulating.