Just a bit overwhelmed...

Why do I still feel you 

Why can I smell you even at places where that smell shouldn't even 

It's a shitty ass situation 

I have no clue what you saw in me, what you still see in me if you still do...

Why are you on the fence?

If you are who I belive you to be 

Why?

Is it a game?

Is it you thinking you had life all figured out but life proving you wrong?

Is it me thinking there is more to this than there actually is?

If you are reading this, which I highly doubt 

You gave me the clearest look I have ever been given by anybody

I saw it in your eyes 3-4 years ago 

But idk I guess I didn't do anything you thought I'd do like chase after you, beg you to be with me

I thought you might you know be a man who knows what he wants and goes after it 

You might think oh this ego selfish bitch or this usual girl that doesn't wanna go after a guy 

But I won't chase 

I know what I have to offer 

I know I already give too much of myself to people 

So much so that people don't tell me the truth, they hide their true selves from me, no one really tells me nothing even if I ask it's either ignored or dismissed or I'm told a lie 

I'm tired of being surrounded by these people

I just want someone I can be my own whole self with 

Without it feeling like I'm being used 

Just a friend I can cuddle with 

I want cuddles and kisses 

A warm embrace 

Can you belive I never did hug anyone like a hug hug

The type of a hug that stay with you 

The type of a hug you yearn for 

Never did one of those

Neither did I do any kissing or hand holding or anything more than that....

It hurts 

Some days more some days less

I don't want to forgive you 

I don't even know if you will ever even ask for my forgiveness 

If there is an actual good reason for all of this 

Or is this some sort of a cosmic joke

Honestly 

No idea 

I feelike I'm behind

But then I feel like I'm right on time and exactly where I need to be

If we are meant to be we are meant to be 

Your life is way too complicated for me to insert myself in it 

If you want me in your life 

You are gonna have to make room for me in it 

Because currently there isn't even a tiny little hole I could fit into

So I'm off 

Idk where or what or how or when 

Thank you for everything 

Even tho at times I wish you never looked at me like that 

Maybe it was me who thought there was more behind those eyes than there actually were 

Maybe there was something more maybe there still is

I wouldn't know

Not untill you decide it's worth me knowing about it

So yeah

Good luck with your life and all the people you have in it

P.S. just wanted to add how disgusting it made me feel that after being asked if you will propose to her on your trip 

You said the most definite no I have ever heard like you just heard the most ridiculous question of all time 

And then you go ahead and get her pregnant......

Truly disgusting if you ask me

But then again I'm young what do I know....