36th Day - Feeling resignation

My husband is off to have dinner with his childhood friend (and our best man) tonight. Earlier in the month I suggested him having someone to talk to about everything (he's not in love with me anymore, doesn't find me attractive, wasted the best years of his life with me etc). I wholeheartedly meant (and still mean) my suggestion. He deserves support. He tends to bottle things up for fear of being judged or people not seeing his point of view and it's not healthy.

I suggested it because I care about him and I want him to have support. For my part, it is scary. Having someone else know about your drinking and relationship problems. I'd like to think this friend (who I've come to love and I think we have a genuine friendship) will realise they're only getting part of the context - but you never know how people might react.

I guess if/when we split up I can only hope I will still retain some of our mutual friends but if not, I'll have them to grieve as well as my marriage.

On Monday I felt panic and biiiiig emotions, my world is ending etc. Today I feel resigned. I can't control these things. Not sure why but I wanted to write this out.

Haven't had a drink since 8th July and IWNDWYT.