Feeling crazy

I’ve been posting on this sub more frequently recently trying to make sense of my last relationship, if I can even call it that. It’s been so helpful

My “ex” and I would frequently argue about the nature of our relationship. We’d reconnect and get close, be intimate but when I brought up issues, they would remind me that we aren’t in a relationship and we are “just friends”. I feel embarrassed I even put up with this, but there were so many times this person pulled me back to fix things, saying they wanted a relationship but weren’t ready, became intimate, you know the whole schpeel.

I stayed patient. There are people who will say well, those are that person’s boundaries, no matter what they do they have already told you they don’t want a relationship right now. So then I feel crazy that I forced this person into something and I imagined this whole thing, and had these unhealthy expectations. It makes me feel like the bad guy.

Please help me make sense of it.