Depressive

Been struggling this year considerably, I have delt with new management at my job that micromanaged me until I put in an harassment complaint with receipts, after my official complaint things improved significantly but I was not able to get over how it made me feel so I went on call to jut cover shifts to bring in money while not really having to be a part of it anymore.

I recently started a new job and the boss literally hugged me upon meeting me and acted so warm, however when I actually started she was cold, rude, dismissive, and unfortunately incompetent “couldn’t even amend my clock ins for the first days I was working- despite multiple communications in email” she blows up on me day 6 over me wearing the uniform to soon “we are pe-opening” I quit on the spot.

Summer is always tough, I regulate myself with long hikes, bike rides, being outside but I don’t really enjoy the outdoors when it’s 100degrees. I’ve been historically depressed July and August for years now.

I keep thinking about our current status in history, how climate change can no longer be stopped, how they estimate the half th world will die from crop failure and extreme weather in a mere 25 years.

I wonder, why should I do with my life? People are what i enjoy most, but I’m never consistent enough anymore to have a great group of friends. I have been hanging out with people I enjoy more and more but I just don’t think it’s possible to have those really really close friendships outside of your 20s except for some really special circles.

I feel unmotivated, frozen, stuck, afraid to even try to get a new job. I think- maybe I can live on less than 2k a month and volunteer and farms for food, volunteer at festivals for fun, and just be a little hippy again.

I mean, what’s the point of even trying when almost every workplace is incredibly toxic, and the world as we know it is marching towards war, far right movements, mass migration, and large scale crop failure?

Yes, everything is fine for now, it may be fun for 5, 10, 15 years- and I would like to enjoy it until then, but o am finding it difficult to get out of bed and do anything at all.
I would like to get therapy or something but I’m out of money and I don’t have insurance.