I think I was SA'd at a nightclub, but I'm really unsure

February of this year, I (F18) went to a nightclub for the first time with a friend (who I will name Delilah) for a Valentines Day themed event. I was incredibly nervous as I am someone who can become overstimulated easily, and the thought of being packed in a room with many drunk teenagers with deafening music felt scary, but I wanted to do it "for the plot". I am also moving across the world for university, and wanted to get a taste of what clubbing was like in my home country before moving. Delilah is also a lot more experienced with clubbing, hence why I wanted her to go with me to this event, especially as she'd had many positive experiences with this area of clubs in the past.

Delilah and I were shocked at just how packed the club was, and made countless comments about how we wouldn't be able to find anyone to make out with, as we had made jokes before entering about that being our goal due to the club's theme for the night.

Unfortunately, we were wrong.

30 minutes pass and Delilah and I are a few drinks in, the club having a free flow bar which only had Vodka drinks mixed with fruit. As we hadn't pregamed, we were currently at the stage where we were telling ourselves that maybe we needed to drink more for the alcohol to kick in faster, as I also didn't want to stay past 3am, so I was desperate to start feeling the effects.

I am unsure how all clubs are structured, as I have only been to this one, but there were two rooms. A seating area where the bar was, and another room where the dance floor and bathrooms were. Delilah and I sat in the seating area, drinking and waiting to feel a little more buzzed before joining the large crowd of mostly university students on the dance floor.

This is when everything starts to go downhill.

We were approached by two guys, who I will name Sam and Arthur.

Though they both would sometimes address the both of us, Sam mostly talked to Delilah, while Arthur mostly talked to me.

At first, Arthur seemed very charming. He was a university student, aged 21, and started talking to me about seemingly normal things. Where he comes from, his hobbies, why he was visiting the country. However, the questions Arthur and Sam asked us both always consisted of "how much have you two drank", "have you been to clubs before", and this part may be wrong as I was quite intoxicated at this point (though I kept telling myself I wasn't), asking if we had yet kissed anyone or found anyone in the club attractive.

Then, Arthur says he has someone he wants me to meet.

He takes my hand and brings me over to the dance floor, Delilah and Sam following, where I'm introduced to a guy, I'll call him Gary.

The most I got out of Gary was that he was a university student, and that he was either 22 or 20. He changed his age when I asked twice, so I am honestly unsure as to how old he really was, but he was definitely somewhere in the early 20s.

Then suddenly his lips are on mine and we are making out. I really hate that all I can think about in this moment is that what Delilah and I wanted came true, as she was making out with Sam next to me. I could tell I was very drunk at this point, drunker than Gary was as I am a lightweight, and he was very much in control of the kissing.

After a while, Gary says he needs to do something, and leaves me alone on the dance floor. I head back out to the sitting area with Delilah and Sam, Arthur eventually rejoining me.

Arthur asks how Gary and I got on, and I shared that we had made out, and Arthur seemed to nod like he knew this was going to happen.

Arthur then offered me a drink. I can't remember what, but it was quite strong. I drank it because throughout our entire conversation I had seen him sipping on it himself so I knew he hadn't spiked it.

I don't want to make assumptions, but it took me a few days after this evening to consider that Arthur and Sam's plan was to find out how drunk Delilah and I were, possibly get us more drunk, and then hand me off to Gary and my friend to Sam.

The details up to this point are fuzzy, and it really frustrates me that bits like me trying to remember how I made it back onto the dance floor I can barely remember, but all the parts I wish I couldn't remember are crystal clear, but I'm eventually kissing Gary again.

He starts to grope my ass, and even put his hand up my dress and touch me, and I let him.

I think I may have even groped him as well at some point.

He says things to me like "good girl", which sober me hates, and "you want me so badly, don't you?"

Then he's asking me to come with him back to his apartment. I say no. He pleads, but I am firm with saying no.

He admits defeat (or so I think), kisses me some more, before pulling me out to the club.

He pulls me into an alley, where there are other students smoking and drinking. He presses me against the wall and kisses me, his hand going underneath my skirt once more as he attempts to pleasure me. He pleads with me to come back to his apartment. I tell him no but I don't stop kissing him, and I don't push his hand away.

I wish I did.

Then Delilah calls me. I tell Gary that my friend is calling me and he, annoyed, pulls away so I can answer the call. She's panicking, saying she has no idea where I am, so I let her know what's happened. Then, quietly, I add that can she please leave the nightclub and stay with me until I can get an Uber. She says yes.

After I make it clear again to Gary that I am not going home with him, he leaves me alone. And it's only then that I notice some students staring at us. I remember thinking I wish someone had interfered, but it's not like I was pushing him away. It's not like I was showing any indication to bystanders that I didn't want this.

I was so drunk that I was surprised I managed to stay awake in my Uber, and even more surprised I didn't wake up the entire house with how I stumbled into it, somehow managing to ready myself for bed.

The next day, I'd felt triumphant. I'd made out with someone, and even got frisky with someone in a nightclub. I messaged some friends about it, only including the "intimate" details.

But only when I end up telling someone else the story of the entire evening do they have a different reaction. Questions asking if I'm okay, and that they're sorry this happened to me and they understand if I don't want to go to a nightclub anytime soon.

And that's when I started to see the whole evening in a completely different light, realising all the things that I had thought were the "nightclub experience" were not normal.

This incident is still quite clear in my mind despite it being months later. Though I personally feel violated from that evening, I feel unsure whether or not I should define what happened as sexual assault.

Any other perspectives on this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you Reddit.