I wish I was the type of CPTSD victim to get into relationships even if codependent

I just cannot open up to people even for a mild conversation. I see even abusive relationship as still a relationship that has formed, instead of me out here so violently codependent I can’t tell a stranger how my day went

Even if the relationship was a mistake, the person still opened up and often continue open up to the relationship in their next one

It may be irrational or whatever, but I think I’ve been broken so much I cannot even form mild connection