How to get over self hatred

Hi im a 19 year old male and I struggle with self hatred I think about it constantly I am ashamed of who i am what I am and dont wanna be myself anymore I dont know what to do and thought maybe someone on here would have some helpful advice I cant afford therapy and dont realy know were else to go i feel worthless and cant forgive my self for anything that ive ever done and dont feel like I deserve anything that I have I dont understand how people forgive thier actions because I feel yor actions make you who u are and cant seem to let go of my mistakes I just don't wanna be sad all that time anymore I dont wanna hate myself anymore I don't know what to do and I constantly feel like im bad for the people around me and ethier push them away or and scared thier going to leave