I think I might have OCD, advice please

I’ve been wondering if I might have mild OCD, but I’m not sure.

I constantly worry I’m secretly a narcissist or a bad/harmful person. I repeatedly ask people, including my therapist, if they think I’m a narcissist. They always say no, but I can’t believe them, so I ask again, ask someone else, or analyse my behaviour for proof. I’ve changed therapists because I convinced myself I’d manipulated them into seeing me as a victim.

I’ve even started writing down and recording difficult conversations because I don’t trust my own version of events. Even when the evidence supports me, I convince myself I must have somehow manipulated the evidence. I also feel the need to confess things to people I trust.

I get intrusive thoughts when I see disgusting things like vomit, poo or mushed-up food telling me to lick it. It makes me feel really sick and disgusted, and I never act on it.

I also get completely random violent thoughts, like “what if I picked up that knife and stabbed them?” or “what if I punched them?” My brain seems to assess my surroundings and come up with a violent act towards someone in a split second, without me consciously thinking about it. I end up feeling really worried about whether I could be that intensely violent.

Another thing I’ve struggled with since I was 13 is the fear that I might secretly be attracted to children. When my niece was born, I became hyperaware of how I felt around her and constantly checked whether I felt any attraction. I still get intrusive thoughts about being attracted to children, sometimes even during masturbation when I’m thinking about something completely unrelated. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and disgusted, and I’ve cried over it.

My counselling training seems to have made the narcissism obsession worse because I’m constantly being encouraged to deeply reflect on myself. I’ve become increasingly desperate to uncover every part of my subconscious in case I’m unknowingly harming people.
I’m currently keeping 8 different journals (general, thoughts, dreams, gratitude, shadow work, therapy, pocket and somatic) partly because I feel I need to track everything in my head and find where the “bad” or narcissistic parts of me are hiding.

Even when people tell me I’m caring and a good person, another part of my brain immediately says, “That’s just your narcissism convincing everyone you’re a good person.” I spend endless hours replaying conversations or things I’ve done trying to figure out if I was narcissistic or a horrible person. I literally can’t let go of this intense worry.

I know nobody can diagnose me here, but does anyone diagnosed relate to this? Or am I just experiencing anxiety??