I'm struggling anybody have time to read id greatly appreciate.

I haven't had a full time job in 2 almost 3 years now. After not finding any success after my contract ending for a very cool job that i studied 4 years for. A highly completive field.

I decided last accept to offer help at a local religious private school as an art teacher twice a week, with over 40 students of all ages, this year I'm doing it again ( with more prep and understanding) and the school director recommended I go to school for a bachelors in teaching, so they can 1-pay me, and 2-have me full time in the future.

Thing is I despise school, its far, I like living rent free at my parents, and the idea of another 4 -6 year studying era to complete a degree makes me want to cry because I did not ever leave to live and experience life on my own, but then again school teaches me to not procrastinate and to deal with with things i don't want to deal with .

On the flip side I want more than ever to make money to be able to live life on own, a job offer came in today for a Truck robotics company as a data annotator, 20$ an hour , full time. I haven't made money in quite a while. But full time job means no going to UNI which I have passed admission and am receiving my schedule for soon. Id still see if i can teach twice a week.

Now here I am, I start teaching in 2 weeks, I'm 27, and I know myself i need structure and to do things I don't want because it grounds me, but also I feel like I've lost touch with my heart more than ever before. I'm just so afraid to live for myself. I used to love things and dream, I find myself growing more and more resentful, but also that could be because i haven't really faced any of this in a while and maybe it will go away if I do the hard thing i don't want.

I guess I'm looking to see if somebody has ever had to go through something similar?

In any case thank you.