Advice for my irresponsible friend?

Like the title says my friend (23M) avoids responsibility and it’s unfortunately during the moments where it counts the most. He’s a well intentioned guy and gets frustrated when the outcomes of his actions or inaction don’t affect people in the way he intends. I try to speak to him about the patterns of his behavior that are sabotaging him but it feels like it only makes him beat himself up emotionally without actually changing the behavior for the future.

Some examples:

His exes child sibling died from cancer while they were together. His ex was an amazing person. Moved home to be with their sibling. Slept on the floor of their sibling bedroom in the nights before they passed so they wouldn’t be alone or afraid. Held their sibling in their arms as they passed away. His ex stayed home to take care of their parents and picked up a job six months after the funeral to help parents pay bills and save money for an apartment with my friend. His ex kept asking him to get a job or work harder at his freelance gig and keep them updated on his financial state so they knew what apartments they could afford together. Well he didn’t get a job. And he didn’t work harder at freelance. His explanation in hindsight is that he was overwhelmed by executive dysfunction. But honestly he just seemed avoidant. He would make excuses about why he couldn’t handle working a basic customer service job even just for a few months. It was too soul crushing according to him. And he didn’t work harder at freelance because he was self conscious and uninspired. Meanwhile his excuse is working a basic customer service job months after the most traumatic event of their life, working 12 hour shifts, walking miles between two job locations and home because they had no car. They were incredibly patient with my friend but they still asked for help and support, begged him to work alongside them. When his ex inevitably had enough and left him, he acted blindsided.

Another example, he continuously keeps his previous exes around and monkey branches from one relationship to another. He absolutely refuses to cut contact with an ex or not hang out with them once getting into a new relationship. This obviously upsets his new partner and sabotages his new relationship right as it starts. Everyone has explained to him that it’s inappropriate to hang out with an ex he admits he’s still attracted to and would be sleeping with if his new partner wasn’t in the picture. He calls this dumb. He insists he can’t take on the responsibility of fully cutting someone off or letting someone go because it makes him feel mean. Inevitably he gets broken up with and feels slighted that his new ex won’t keep him around as a friend.

Another example, he had two years to save up for an apartment in the city to go to school. School his parents paid for in full. Everyone pushed him to get a job but he would lash out when it was brought up. He had is ex helping him save money so they could get an apartment together. But he took no initiative or responsibility. Instead he decides two weeks before his start date that he’s going to move out to a major city in his car instead of just admitting he doesn’t have the money and asking for an extension on his start date. Everyone warns him against this but he lashes out if they do. He moves out in his car and is immediately overwhelmed and breaks down. His ex, the one who lost their sibling only a few months ago, is now the emotional support for both of them. He’s threatening to take his own life on the daily because he doesn’t want the responsibility of the career he’s going to school for but he also doesn’t want to go back home. His ex is constantly talking him down. His ex asks him to take some responsibility for his own emotional state by either finding and practicing coping mechanisms for stress or going home and saving money to move to the city like he should have in the first place. He lashes out at them and says cruel things. He refuses to go home, he refuses to drive himself to the 24 hour gym his parents are paying for to use the restroom or shower. Eventually his ex threatens to break up with him and he goes home.

These are just a few examples of the major events. Event when he’s presented with the responsible choice, he refuses to make it. Despite the way the events make him sound, he is a very kind guy. But because he refuses to take responsibility for his actions or inaction both during or after the fact, his kindness can come across as inauthentic. I’ve explained this to him, told him some of his actions are immature and childish, but he just takes it personally or feels bad for himself. He seems terrified of both success and failure in his life so he just doesn’t make any moves out of fear.

When he’s confronted with his actions he says things like:

“I wish I could just not care about anyone and live my life in a fun and risky way.”

Or

“Maybe I’m just a bad person.”

I’ve told him both of these responses further avoid taking responsibility. The first one is wishing for even less responsibility to the people that depend on him, and the second is just excusing the bad behavior by labeling himself as a bad person.

He’s made a resolution to turn his life around. Is there any advice you all would give my friend or any moments anyone else had as a young person that snapped them out of their fearful avoidance of responsibility?