Living alone

Just realised I genuinely can’t ever live alone without getting in my head and falling into gream depression it’s like my thoughts consume me and I don’t know why but I just feel this ache in my chest every time I’m alone even for a few hours I just can’t imagine how I’d be like if I lived alone.

And it’s so weird because from a young age I was just forced to be independent as much as I could I barely had family showing up and just had to handle big important stuff on my own but seeing as adulthood is coming faster and faster towards me I feel afraid and thinking on it it sounds so stupid because all I ever wanted was to finally be an adult and cut ties with everyone forever and just leave for good but if I do that then what? I can’t be alone in a house even for a day my mind gets crazy I start having thoughts.