I am in an agonizing yet elating love triangle with..

my two close friends who were in a long term, enmeshed and toxic relationship that has now been… slowly ending over the past couple years:(.

the advice I’ve been reading so far is to take care of myself. Communicate how I feel to them, know and communicate my boundaries, take space for myself. I have found myself in NRE with each of them over the years, maintaining emotionally close connections with them over the past 6 years with some ebs and flows but have become someone each of them have come closer to since their break up with one another. I love them both and I fear I will get hurt in the messiness of their codependency with one another.

I very consciously decided to spend a weekend with one of them who was on the side of being broken up with and who is very hurt and navigating being on their own for the first time in years of living with their ex. We have been intimate before but very rarely and have had very limited connection in over 4 years but I had buried feelings for them that I suspected could be awakened by spending a few days together and I predicted right.

The direct, honest, vulnerable communication we had over the visit has me feeling so curious, safe, more attracted than ever.

The friend who ended the relationship has been out of town for months and communication with them is occasional, polite, shallow. I suggested chatting when they’re back in town. They suggested we talk in one month. That feels too long. I know I need to take time to work through my own feelings and take the next few weeks to care for myself.

I suppose I’m curious if anyone has advice from some lived similar experiences with ENM relationships, break ups, toxic relationships, triangulation.