Seeking advice/support for Bipolar Type 1

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out to this community because I’m currently sitting in the heavy, crushing aftermath of severe manic/psychotic episodes, and I desperately need to hear from people who have survived this and found a way forward.
For years starting from my early teens I experienced extreme swings without fully understanding what was happening to me. I thought my manic phases were just "me," or bursts of immense capability, until I looked back and saw the wake of chaos left behind: burned-down careers, sudden radical life decisions, destroyed relationships, financial strain, and intense self-medication just to survive the crashes.
Now, coming down from another severe episode and facing a paralyzed, life-draining depression, the weight of guilt and shame feels unbearable.
When the manic fog clears and you see the wreckage, it’s so easy to fall into a loop of self-hatred. I feel like I'm grieving lost time, lost trust, and struggling to figure out how to separate my actual identity from the illness. I’m currently taking steps to get proper medical help, stabilize my neurochemistry, and get clean, but emotionally, the road ahead feels terrifying.
For those of you diagnosed with Bipolar 1 who have been in this exact place:

1. How did you find hope when everything felt completely ruined? How did you convince yourself that life could still be stable, beautiful, and worth living?
2. How do you process the intense guilt and shame? How did you forgive yourself for the irrational, hurtful, or chaotic things you did while manic or psychotic?
3. Where do you even start with rebuilding? When you have lost stability, routines, or career momentum, what were the first small, practical steps that helped you regain control of your life?
   I really just need to know that it’s possible to come out on the other side of this, find a steady middle ground, and build a life you’re proud of.
   Thank you for reading, and for any wisdom or hope you can share.