Shutting down seems like the best option when you cannot be vulnerable and honest

Do any other men feel this way? When I (49m) have a legitimate complaint or issue that I bring up calmly and clearly, it gets twisted and turned into how I made her (f49) feel.
If I approach with sincerity and honesty trying to work through a problem from my angle, I don’t know if she’s going to flip out, cry, blame me for her actions, etc.
Moreover, she’s much better at saying a lot of words and stringing together a lot of information and emotions much faster than I am. So, I cannot really keep up or engage in a discussion about her behavior at all.
I say everything I want to say in one or two clear sentences and that is really all I have to say about it. She will fire back for 5 minutes with loosely focused meanings and reasons and blame and shame and every excuse to support her actions no matter what they are without taking accountability or apologizing, and tell me how bad I made her feel for telling her how I felt. I apologize and nothing gets resolved and I am so much less likely to bring up any issues in the future.
Am I the only one who has to live like this?

Example:
Me - the dog (her dog) pooped in my home office, I’m leaving for work right now I’m running late, can you please clean that up? (She works from home 4 hours per day)
Her - yes
Me - (after coming home 9 hours later and poop 💩 still there) can we talk? I feel frustrated and disrespected that you didn’t take my request to clean up your dogs poop in my office. That’s my personal space and you ignored my request
Her - you can clean it too, I was busy, I had a lot to do, do you even consider that? That’s frustrating and disrespectful!….. blah blah blah *5 minutes go by
Me - okay, sorry

Our schedules:
I leave at 6:30 am and return at about 4pm, she wakes up at about 8am, goes to the gym, comes back, eats and has her coffee, works from about 10am to 2pm, then lounges until I come home. And no, chores aren’t done by her, we have a cleaning lady that she leaves everything to.