medium rare steak, macaroni, and mashed potato’s, came in to eat alone to cheer myself up as soon as they opened like a loser

I'm in my 20s and have been using dating apps to find a potential FWB near me because I don't want a relationship and I am working hard in healthcare and don't need the distraction of a serious commitment, I'm a human though so i still like intimacy.......And when i tell you the last six “hookups" in a row (if you can even call them that) could not get hard i'm telling the truth. None were able to have sex with me, none, zero.

I'm not trying to sound conceited but i am conventionally attractive and i get hit on constantly in real life, i go to the gym so im fit and i take healthy eating (today is a cheat day as you can tell lol) skin care, cosmetic care and monthly maintenance very seriously, that being said everytime i have invited a guy over (in my age range) its ended with them apologizing about being nervous, gushing about how pretty i am but not being able to get or stay hard and asking to cuddle and then asking if we can go on a regular date so i can be their girlfriend because they "don't want to ruin the connection" I am SO fed up.

I don't blame people for being nervous and I get it but i don't want a boyfriend i just want to get off and it's so infuriating trying for over an hour to get someone hard and failing and it just makes me feel so ugly and worthless. I know im not unattractive but i can't do take the mental damage it’s doing to me.

I don't like bars otherwise id try meeting someone in person and the people that hit on me irl usually want a full relationship (that i dont want) i put so much effort into myself and my home before inviting people over (shaving, makeup, hair) and i was always under the impression that only older guys start to deal with problems down there but every guy so far has been 20-26. I get it if you're nervous but multiple guys in a row??? Are you kidding me????? Then the next few hours are spent with me trying to turn them on and them asking to do other activities to get less nervous and by that point I just feel too unsexy to even want to continue.

the thing that frustrates me the most is they always call or text me after asking to meet again and for one of them i felt bad so i let him come over again and he still couldn't get hard, he was upset when i asked him to leave but i didnt know what else to do. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and they all want a deep emotional connection and i dont, and then i get called me rude names for it when i was upfront about what i wanted from the start, I feel like giving up and just going celibate until i'm done with my degree, but i don’t want to do that.

i know, i know,  my problem isnt that big of a deal but i have literally cried after working multiple 12 hr shifts in between school excited to be “tossed” around during meet up and then they show up and can't perform and want me to play girlfriend and cook meals with them or go see a movie and just cuddle. NO, get out. I barely have time for myself to begin with so these meetups take so much planning in advance and now even thinking about trying again is bumming me out. I would be more open to doing things like watching movies together if i could atleast get what i want but i don’t so it feels like a chore. One guy even asked if he could post a selfie of us together on his instagram to brag to his followers and went off at me when i made him delete the picture after he was too nervous to even get in bed with me.

its really starting to effect my self image, on paper im like a unicorn to these guys and they just can't keep up. I work so hard in every facet of my life, i spend so much money on staying beautiful and it feels like a waste, i just feel like it's all for nothing if i cant even be actually desired in the way i want. This isnt meant to shame anyone who has dysfunction down there by the way, i know it’s hard and embarrassing to deal with, im just incredibly frustrated and feeling bad about well, everything right now.

edit: did not know it was a crime to be a woman who just wants to have sex in this day and age, my bad redditors 🫠

every guy i meet disappoints me