What am I dealing with exactly?

So ik why I'm sad, but at the same time, I don't. It's kinda hard to explain. I feel somewhat like Bojack, if yk who he is. I try to fill this void, but it feels like it's not possible. It's like the scars that won't go away. Atleast irl I don't portray myself like Bojack, a smile automatically comes to my face even when I don't want it to, while I'm interacting with people ik. I feel everything deeply, which is both blessing and a curse at the same time. When I listen to others, most of the time, I understand what they are going through. But when it comes to me, it's like ik why I'm this way, but at the same time it feels like this really isn't the reason I'm this way. Idk if I made any sense here.