I look at how close my friends are with their parents and i just think why cant it be me

PS: english is not my first language so pls bear with me

I (18M) never had a great relationship with my parents, my mom is good but being with a crazy man like my dad has messed her up, even my brother never talks with me properly ever since he went to college last year, he always yells at me and critizes everything i do

My dad has been emotionally unavailable for me and my brother ever since we were kids, he used to beat us or yell at us for crying or showing any emotion other than happiness (which i ofcourse faked just to avoid getting hit)

Whenever we got in a problem, my dad never was with us, hed rather blame and shame instead of figuring stuff out together. Last october my brother also told my dad that there needs to be more transparency between us 4 but my dad turned the whole conversation into how he did so many things for us but we never reciprocated it and all, like basically tried emotional drama and all

Now i got into college this year and i see so many friends of mine spending like half an hour with their parents on calls, they would talk about how theyre exploring their hobbies in college, what they did and all the stuff, even their parents also share about their day. When i see them i feel bad, its hard to explain but its like "why not me"

Even today my parents and brother yelled and cussed me out on call after they had a fight among themselves

I feel so frustated when this happens, i lose all motivation for the day and it kind of makes me hate myself, sometimes i feel like ill go far away from these 3 when i get a job but then a few hours later i feel dumb to even think that, i cant even decide. im tired of being abused all the time, i just wish things were a bit normal