Rough day today

Me F28, she F30. I've been trough quite a few breakups. They all sucked of course. But well this one, hurts like when I was a kid. We meet as she visted my town and we spent two days togther and wasnt supposed to fall in love. But then we did. We spoke everyday. I felt so safe with her. I opened up in a way I haden't in years. I let myself belivie in a future with someone and she was always there to reassure me. I was going to visit her and she had bought tickets already to visit me with no home ticket after. While visiting her she dumped me the second day in the middle of the night. Due to incompalities. It all feel surreal. I just swicthed on some weird as survival insticts since I was just expiercing the worst heartbreak ever in a country I had no one in and I couldnt leave since it was in the night. Two days after she had changed her mind. I went home. She dumped me again insisting she wanted be in her life forever, how much I meant to her, how she was so scared of losing me and that she didnt say anything to be kind but from the bottom of her heart.

I said it would probably be hars for me right now since I have anxious attachment and awful ptsd with abondendment i would probably just spiral to an anxious monster. But we kept contact. One day she just turned so cold. Said we never really knew each other.

After failing to anwser me for days we had a call which I tried to get clarity in if she wanted to cut contact or not bc I wasnt feeling to good about what we had now. She said tha i shouldnt be so black and white and that we could maybe in the future say hi and I said I cant handle more uncertanty I'm turning in to a mess. And I asked if she even liked me or if i brought value to her life? She said she didnt like me right now and i dont right now. That hurt so bad to hear so i started crying and she just got mad bc I "didnt understand her" and i started to have a panic attack and didn't want her to stay out of guilt so I said I couldnt spela and hung up.

Afterwards a wrote that she should probably block med bc I felt myself spiraling and didnt trust myself to not blow her phone up.

She anwsered that she will block me and the obly way to contact her is trough postmail.

I actually laughed at that bc it was so weird I thought.

We havent spoken since

In the end I can see I don't want to be with a person like this but it has still fucked with my head so bad. Was anything even real?