52 soon & depressed about not having had sex since 2005.

I'll be 52 on the 16th. I haven't had sex in 22 years, can't get it up due to low testosterone, and don't think I'll ever get to have sex again. It sucks. I never had sex all that often (or really gotten many hugs ever) in the first place due to low self-esteem & lack of opportunity. I'm just not the kind of person to go to clubs or hit on anyone, and since becoming disabled in 2007 I can't leave my room. I struggle to even get off while masturbating, and just feel like any chance I might of had at having a sex life is gone.

I don't want to make it sound like sex is all I'm after in a relationship, especially when my lack of human contact for decades and medical issues have given me a lot of anxiety around physical contact. I just really never got many hugs growing up, was abused by an older relative for years, and had a marriage that never had much intimacy. I've never had 'normal' intimacy with anyone, and now I feel like any chance for any of that is kind of gone.

I dunno. I've been dealing with a lot of unhappiness, loneliness, and depression for a long time now, and if it wasn't for my best friend I wouldn't still be here. I love him so much but I know we can't ever be together the way I wish we could. I'm doing all I can to keep in mind all the good I have in my life but I just don't know what to do. I never really talk with anyone about these feelings but sometimes I get overwhelmed and spend hours crying.

I guess I just needed to vent.