I’m married for 6 years, and I have never had sex with my wife

I don't really know how to write this. I think I just need to let it out somewhere. I'm posting anonymously because I've carried this story inside me for a very long time.
I'm 35 years old. I've been married for six years.
And I have never had sex with my wife.
But I want to clarify something before anyone misunderstands what I mean by that.
We live together. We sleep under the same roof, in the same bed, every single night.
But sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean that two people are intimate.
There is no sex between us. There is no physical relationship between us. And I don't push her to have sex with me because I respect her. I know now that her feelings and sexual attraction are toward women. You cannot force someone to have feelings that simply aren't there.
To understand how I ended up here, I have to go all the way back to the beginning.
I met her 17 years ago at a private tuition class.
The first time I saw her, I thought she was really beautiful. So I asked her out. After a few months, we became friends, and eventually she told me that she liked me. We started a relationship.
Our relationship lasted around nine months.
After we finished our Advanced Levels, we broke up.
During those nine months, we never had sex. We didn't even kiss. But I liked her very much. There was something about her personality that stayed with me. She was positive, courageous, and had an attitude toward life that I admired deeply.
After we broke up, time passed.
Every once in a while, we would talk on the phone as friends. Sometimes it was once a year. Sometimes once every two or three years.
During those years, I had a few other relationships.
I had girlfriends. I loved them. I had great experiences with them. We travelled together, kissed, had sex, and had what I would describe as normal relationships.
But I was never completely happy.
The strange thing was that I was always looking for my first girlfriend in the women I dated after her.
I would compare their personalities with hers. I would look for her positivity, her courage, her way of thinking. Even though I had good times with other women, some part of me was still obsessed with the person I had met all those years ago.
About seven years ago, I was in a relationship that had become very serious. We were so close to getting married that both of our families knew about us.
But when we reached the final stage, I suddenly said that I couldn't get married yet.
I ended the relationship.
A few days later, my first girlfriend called me.
That phone call lasted eight hours.
Eight hours of talking about everything.
I told her everything that had happened in my life since we had been apart. We talked about our past, our lives, our relationships, and where we were at that moment.
At one point, she asked me what I wanted.
I told her that I wanted to leave my country.
So we met a few days later.
We spent another whole night together, sitting in my car at the beach, talking about everything and trying to figure out what we could do with our lives.
Eventually, we decided to get engaged so that we could fulfill the visa requirements to leave the country.
We got engaged.
A few months later, we got married.
But even though we were engaged and then married, we didn't have sex.
We didn't even kiss.
But I loved her. And I believed that she loved me. We cared about each other very much.
At one point, she told me that we would have sex when we moved to the new country.
I accepted that.
I was willing to wait because I loved her.
Then we moved.
One year passed.
Then two.
Then three.
We bought a house together.
Four years passed.
Still nothing.
We tried.
There were times when we tried to kiss. There were times when we tried to have sex.
But she never allowed things to go any further.
I didn't understand why.
Then one day, we were having some drinks together in the back garden.
She told me something that changed the way I understood our entire marriage.
She told me that, back in our home country, she had had an affair with a girl.
I listened to her calmly.
I didn't judge her.
I asked her about the relationship, and she told me everything about her girlfriend. I just listened.
Then I asked her the question that had been sitting in my mind:
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She said that she thought she might be bisexual, and that with time her feelings would change and she would eventually develop feelings for me.
Her girlfriend eventually got married to a man and now they have children.
My wife told me that her girlfriend had been pressured by her family to marry that man.
They are now a family with children.
And my wife and I are still married.
Six years of marriage.
Still sleeping in the same bed.
Still living under the same roof.
Still caring about each other.
But no sexual relationship.
And now I understand why.
My wife is a lesbian.
I don't hate her for that.
I don't judge her for that.
And I don't want anyone to think that I am trying to force her into something she doesn't feel.
I don't push her to have sex with me because I respect her.
Because the truth is, to have sex with someone, there needs to be feelings and attraction. Without those feelings, nothing is going to happen. And if those feelings were never there, I can't create them by asking, waiting, or trying harder.
I think that is one of the most painful things for me to accept.
For years, I believed that if I loved her enough, waited long enough, and gave her enough time, things would eventually change.
They didn't.
During our entire marriage, I have never had sex with another woman.
I haven't even kissed anyone.
My wife, as far as I know, has kissed a few girls at parties. She told me about it, and I was okay with it because I understood that she is attracted to women.
I don't think she is a bad person.
I don't think I am a victim of some evil person either.
I think two people can care about each other deeply and still be unable to give each other something that the other person needs.
And somehow, I am the person who is suffering from that reality.
Sometimes I think about how strange my life has become.
I met this girl 17 years ago.
I fell in love with her personality.
I spent years looking for pieces of her in other women.
I left relationships because something inside me was still attached to her.
Then she came back into my life.
We spent an entire night talking about our future.
We got engaged.
We got married.
We left our country together.
We bought a house.
We built a life together.
And yet, after all these years, I have never experienced the physical intimacy that I thought marriage would bring.
I waited because I loved her.
I waited because she told me to wait.
I waited because I believed that one day things would change.
But now I realize that I may have been waiting for something that was never possible.
Here I am, 35 years old, married for six years, sleeping beside the person I once thought I could never live without, and feeling completely alone in one of the most important parts of my life.
I am not writing this to attack my wife.
I am not writing this because I want people to hate her.
I don't even know what I want from posting this.
Maybe I just need to release the tears I've been holding inside for years.
Maybe I want someone to understand what this feels like.
Maybe I just want to say it somewhere because I haven't been able to say it out loud.
I hope none of you ever have to experience something like this.
Because it is painful.
Really, really painful.