[22M] [22F] — I fell for a girl from college, things got complicated because of her friend and miscommunication. What should I do ?

TLDR: I fell for a girl from college and we gradually became close. She eventually asked if I had feelings for her, and I told her the truth. She wasn't ready for a relationship, but we continued being close. Things later fell apart after I made the mistake of repeatedly messaging her when she wanted space. Her close friend also influenced some decisions between us, which she later confirmed to me. We eventually talked and cleared some things up, but we're distant again. I still feel there was something genuine between us and want to know whether I should make one final respectful attempt to hear what she truly wants, or accept the silence and move on.

For context, I had feelings for this girl for almost two years before we actually became close. We were in the same college class, but I never told her because I'm not very extroverted when it comes to emotions.

We eventually got closer because of a college project. After that, we started talking on Snapchat, sending snaps, messaging each other and spending more time together.

There were moments where I genuinely felt like my feelings weren't one-sided. She would talk to me about romantic movies, give me little hints, and there was one particular moment that stuck with me. I was leaving college when she passed by on a scooter, sitting behind one of our friends. She looked at me, gave me a side-eye and this really romantic smile. It sounds insignificant, but it gave me the biggest butterflies.

Eventually, while texting one day, she asked me directly if I had feelings for her.

I told her the truth.

I said I'd liked her for almost two years. I told her I loved the way she was, her heart and personality, and that I felt like I saw a part of myself in her. I told her I saw the kind of person I'd always dreamed of being with.

She asked why I hadn't told her earlier. I explained that I'm not very extroverted and probably would have waited until the end of college to tell her, just so I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering, “What if?”

She asked if she should call me because she wasn't sure what to say.

We talked on the phone. She laughed a lot and seemed shy. She said it was her first experience with something like this. She wasn't angry and didn't exactly reject me, but she said she wasn't ready.

So we continued with our projects and conversations.

Then our friends started teasing her about me. During Diwali, they teased her when I wasn't around, and afterward she called me and asked me to tell them to stop.

After that, things slowly became distant.

She started messaging less, and eventually I asked what was wrong and whether I'd done something. She said she didn't want to talk.

This is where I know I messed up badly.

Instead of giving her space, I panicked and repeatedly messaged her. I basically bombarded her, and I regret that even today. I should have respected her request and stopped.

Eventually, I was removed or blocked from almost every social platform.

After a long period of projects and exams, we ended up doing an internship at the same company. I had been genuinely upset because I didn't know what was happening in her life, so part of me was happy that I would finally see her again.

But things weren't the same.

We basically ignored each other.

During the internship, some of my male friends, who were also friends with her, planned to go out for lunch. I wasn't told about it. By coincidence, I woke up unusually early that day and went to my friends' PG, thinking we were just hanging out.

Later, I found out they were going out.

My friends told me that her close friend had asked them to exclude me because I was staying in another PG.

That really hurt.

Later, they also told me that this friend had unfriended me from the girl's Instagram and had apparently asked her not to follow me back.

I don't know how much of this was actually her friend's decision versus the girl's own decision, and I don't want to accuse anyone of things I can't prove.

I didn't hate her friend. I still don't.

I just wanted to clear everything up and apologize for my own mistakes, so I asked our mutual friends to arrange a conversation.

Eventually, I got a chance to talk to the girl privately when her friend wasn't around. We went to Domino's and talked about everything.

I told her what my friends had told me, and she confirmed that her friend had unfriended me from Instagram. She had apparently even asked her friend why she was “making him special.”

That conversation meant a lot because, for once, I was hearing things directly from her rather than through other people.

We talked and eventually reached some sort of peace.

I also realized that I had misunderstood some things. When I had been repeatedly messaging her, I didn't know she had simply been with her sister watching reels. From my perspective, her silence felt like rejection because I didn't know what was happening.

If she'd simply told me she was busy with her family and would talk later, I genuinely believe I would have stopped.

But I also accept that I was responsible for respecting her space regardless.

Later, my friends talked to her about the influence they felt her friend was having. She became emotional and started crying. She talked about how her friend had also hurt or behaved badly with her before, but she still tried to maintain their friendship.

That made me realize this isn't simply a story about one person being good and another being bad.

Everyone made mistakes, including me.

There were also some small things that made me wonder whether there were still feelings involved. Once, after we went out to eat, she sent me ₹438 with the message “438.” Later, while making a payment at Domino's, she apparently said she was sending something like a message through the payment.

I'm very analytical, so I connected those things in my head.

I don't know if it meant anything.

Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't.

That's what makes this situation so difficult. There are so many moments that felt meaningful, but very few clear answers.

Throughout all of this, I still cared about her deeply.

I'm not someone who dates casually or talks to multiple girls. When someone becomes special to me, I take it seriously.

I also tried to become a better person. I lost around 20 kg and even became vegetarian because I wanted to become more compatible with her, even though she never asked me to.

I know now that you can't make yourself perfect enough for someone to choose you, but I genuinely wanted to improve myself.

My belief is “change in people, not change people.”

If I make a mistake, tell me and I'll work on myself. If she makes a mistake, I want her to be able to work on herself too. I don't expect either of us to be perfect.

Then came her birthday.

I made a small custom website wishing her and apologizing. I specifically said she didn't need to reply.

I sent it around midnight.

The next day, around 4 PM, I was blocked on Telegram.

And now I'm confused again.

I don't know if that was her decision, whether her friend influenced it, or whether something else happened.

I don't want to make accusations because I genuinely don't know.

But I still feel like I need one honest answer from her.

If I ever got one completely private conversation with her, without friends, judgment or outside influence, I wouldn't try to convince her to be with me.

I'd simply ask:

“What do YOU actually want? Would you want to give this one genuine chance, just as two people who made mistakes and learned from them?”

If she wants to try, I'd like to try.

If she only wants friendship, I'll accept that.

And if she genuinely wants nothing with me, I'll accept that too and I won't pursue her again.

I just want the answer to be hers.

So I'm asking Reddit:

Am I holding onto something that is already gone? Should I make one final respectful attempt to get an honest answer from her, or is her silence and distance already the answer and I should finally let her go?