Don’t know

I’ve been cutting myself a few years back, when I was about 12 years old. I stopped for multiple years, thinking it’s pathetic and that I don’t have it as bad. I‘m 17 now and started again, even if they’re shallow and barely bleed. It feels like the cuts I give myself aren’t enough, and that I need multiple, bigger cuts for them to matter. I honestly don’t know what to make of myself anymore.