Closet casefiles 00041: Yesterday my Sister asks if im going to get back into dateing when i move? Sis if only you knew.

So if any of you have read my previous posts the basic gyst is : I (a late blooming neurodivergent BI with little romantic EXP) am having a bit of an ongoing romantic/ melodramatic crisis.

I've got a guy I met through online dating who wants to meet soon Irl and I'm currently living with family that im not out to. It's not that they're horrible or unaccepting people but for complicated reasons including my own IH experience being on the Spectrum and struggles to accept myself I'm naturally terrified of coming out simply because I don't want to be in an awkward situation and the fact that whatever I tell them is going to be a potentially a complete bombshell.

The thing is I guess when you're like me you get so good at hiding in the closet that to extend no one even suspects you're in there I guess

The other day while we're driving to Lake my sister asks if I'm going to start dating when I get to [ insert City]

Then she tried to recommend Hinge to me because that's how she met her husband.

I try to play cool because she has no idea that I'm about to secretly go on this date soon with this guy and I'm really looking forward to it and hoping it works out.

When my sister asked the question it kind of felt like a bit of emotional jab. I know she didn't mean anything malicious with her question and I'm probably reading too far into it. However I could tell two things by the tone of her voice, the way she reacted.

1. She doesn't know I'm not straight and that I'm leaning harder towards men now more then ever.

2. That, despite me being older she still looks at my wierd neurodivergent ass as being not a fully formed and functional adult, because I didn't achieve the same superficial Milestones as her at the same time (despite the fact she had a lot of help to get them)

I don't want to reopen old shit so I won't. On some levels this is on me for doing such a damn good job hiding my own sexuality and covering my own tracks to the point where even I feel lost.

It sucks that I still feel pathologically compelled to play this game of erasing my own identity but it's also Weighing on my mind how much telling the truth is potentially going to be a massive Blind Side even though I wore other people to avoid doing that.

That is if even this date can go well and not blow up in my face first.

As far as telling my dad at some point my life I still don't know I mean I guess it's inevitable but right now I'm just thinking in terms of one person at a time and if I do it's not because they need to know but simply because I would not hide being in love with someone like this if it's the real thing

If anyone has any advice or support that's as usual always appreciated even if seems like I'm dumping too much and oversharing