I’m trans now! But I don’t really see myself as a girl

Yesterday I (18) decided to finally accepted myself as transgender, seeing that I’ve had gender dysphoria for 4 years. Yesterday, I kinda just realized why not and accepted myself as trans and came out to some people. I’ve even made a list of names and have three (mainly 2) main ones I really like. And I really wanna get on hrt as soon as I can.

But even though I’ve done all that , I still don’t really see myself as trans or as a girl. I keep telling myself that I’m one but when I think of myself, I just see myself as a boy. It’s like this whole thing just isn’t real to me, and I wanna see myself as a girl, but I just don’t. I don’t even feel any dysphoria, I haven’t in a week.

Maybe it’s because I’m not able to go to a doctor or get on hrt or buy feminine clothes. My mom also kinda screwed my chances of going to college this semester by just continuously forgetting to get some required medical records for me that I’ve been asking from her for a month, so I’m gonna have to wait months until next semester to go 3:

But maybe I went in this too fast, is that it. I told myself and others that I’m trans, but it feels like I haven’t mentally accepted it yet. I don’t know, should I just wait and not be trans until later?

(Thanks for reading, all comments appreciated)