Been Out of the Screenwriting Game? A Quick Guide to Bring You Up to Speed.

This is inspired by a post asking about brass fasteners. OP said they were coming back to screenwriting after a long absence. For anyone in similar shoes, here's a quick guide to catch you up:

1. OUR DELIVERY SYSTEM -- Screenplays are now delivered through email. It's a five-step process: (1) First you ask if they want it; (2) then you send it as an attachment if they ask for it; (3) then you wait; (4) then you politely send another email reminding the recipient of your existence; and (5) finally you give up and move on when you get no reply.
2. OUR TOOLS -- Typewriters have been replaced by computer programs. But the world has divided into two post-human species: those using Final Draft and those using Fade In Pro. They do the exact same thing, but you can start a quick fight by making a slightly judgmental comment about either.
3. OUR GODS -- We screenwriters now worship and offer sacrifice to very specific gods who we believe can offer us safe passage to fame and fortune. Some worship the contests, others the 'discovery' services like the BlackList, ISA, Script Revolution, ScriptHop's The Gauntlet, Slated and now also ScriptSshadow. The atheists swear by query emails alone. You have to find your tribe and fight the others. The sacrifice is time and money. But whatever you do, don't wander into the dark woods of Stage 32 where you could catch an email infection.
4. OUR IDEALS -- We've all heard tales of a mysterious mystical being: "the undeniable screenplay". Some of us really believe it exists out there. Some of us scoff angrily at the very notion. Some of us claim to have read one but won't share a link to it. Some will share a link to a blurry PDF of an alleged sighting of one, while others pounce and point out all the mistakes as proof that it is not 'undeniable'. But we're all told to keep writing and rewriting until we create one.
5. OUR WEAKNESSES -- We've all developed allergies, intolerances and immune deficiencies to specific things. For example, some of us will go into anaphylactic shock if we come across a "we see". The kiss of death for others might be double spaces after a period. Entire hospital wings have to separate those who use bold slug lines from those who use regular ones, underlined ones, or, God forbid, both bold and underlined ones.
6. OUR VOW OF SILENCE -- In today's oversaturated, in-your-face, always-on social media existence, Screenwriting is the only artistic endeavor where the creator is told NOT to openly share any part of their work with others. We're told that all of our screenplays have to be kept pristine virgins. Managers might ask: "Has it circulated?" As a result, all of us write in darkness and few human eyes besides our own will ever read our words. That's probably why we start believing in gods and mystical creatures and why some of us might be tempted to wander into the dark woods (but seriously, don't do it).