i have been diagnosed with quite bpd depression and anxiety

the guilt have been eating me alive i feel sorry for my dad for my siblings for my friends for everyone who knows me man im sorry they had to know me i feel useless day by day i feel sorry for my body for having me instead of anyone else, i have always felt sorry unimportant and i genuinely think if i died no one will ever know bc they wont notice even tho everyone start to show me they care now i feel awkward about it and i’ve always been taught i should keep my emotions to myself and everything to myself even tho i used to be honest and always have said whats been annoying me or hurts me but whenever i do i regret it bc of their reaction and how it reminds me of how there’s literally no point in sharing and i should keep it to myself im only 18 and im fucked up