never knowing if I am actually upset or angry--or about to have a huge seizure

I am really struggling and would appreciate if anyone has any tips for handling big stress.

I had misdiagnosed focals for many years, it has taken a huge toll. I get focal awares every day, for most hours of the day, and feel totally decimated for the other hours. I started 25mg lamotrigine only a week ago and see a small difference, so have hope. The epilepsy is likely caused by another underlying condition that is also being treated, but also incapacitating. I am doing all I can to survive and get well, but so far it is never enough.

Before a big seizure, I will either get crazy angry and start cussing, or I will have crying fits and feel completely hopeless. These warning signs are my big cues to buckle down and take rescue meds.

What is hard is, I am under massive dumps of stress right now. I am struggling with multiple doctors, struggling with getting them to understand this rare-disease underlying cause, struggling with medical costs, struggling with years of home bound level disability. The medical abuse has been profound and led to significant dismissal of life threatening symptoms as "anxiety." I am isolated now, because fragrances are a huge seizure trigger for me, so all these strong laundry scents and monster colognes and beast mode perfumes on others are making it impossible for me to be anywhere outside my own home. Even sitting outside isn't possible when neighbors run scented laundry, because it vents into my own outside space.

My struggle is that being stressed of course makes symptoms a lot worse, but what I am dealing with is incredibly stressful. But then also, when I feel upset or angry (which I have every right to be), I then worry that I am about to have a seizure and wrestle with whether I should take rescue meds. I always have to guess, am I organically that upset, or is my brain in trouble and I am having a seizure?

Does anyone else deal with this vicious cycle? How do you handle it to be as healthy as you can?