Is my own wound from lack of mothering bleeding over into how I feel about my MIL?

Short backstory, I, 29F, have a huge gaping mother/family wound. I got married recently and on the surface, I don’t see much wrong with my MIL.

I’ll start off with, both of his parents love our son and care for him deeply. It’s the way they’ve disregarded me over time and how his mother acts like his worst qualities many of times.

I truly don’t know her all that well, but due to my trauma etc I have an extremely hard time forming relationships.
I am aware of this and attempt to fix it, but I’m also autistic.
I don’t really understand the entire basis of forming and maintaining a relationship with others that aren’t a romantic partner or friend, sometimes I even suck at those.

However… this has possibly bled into how I feel about my in laws.
I actually cannot stand my husband’s mother, the more I think about it.
I always felt like they (both MIL and FIL) were walking over me and not listening to the instructions I’d give on caring for our son, he is a little over 1.5 yrs old.
This was an ongoing strain in the relationship, especially mine and my husband’s. I just had to eventually give up and understand that they don’t respect me or the nap times/what to feed him.

I stay at home with our son and I need breaks sometimes. It always came with a stipulation of he wouldn’t nap for shxt at their house if he went there. My husband didn’t believe me and eventually got on their side about the whole thing. I felt so alone, and I still do sometimes.

I’m not sure how to feel. On one hand, she does admit she wants to help etc… but on the other, it’s only if it’s the way she wants to do it.

My own mother and I have a sorta better relationship now that I’m older, but the pain and trauma lingers for longer than we’d like to admit.
She at least listens to me and doesn’t do her own thing.

I was told that *my mother* told *them* that *she* does whatever she wants, but even if she has a way of sometimes saying white lies…. This just didn’t seem like one. I finally told her about it because I was so lost on what to do with that situation, I begged her to tell them to **not** do whatever they wanted, and she swore that she never told them she does “whatever she wants.”

My husband says my mother lies. I say his does.

Truly, they probably BOTH do. And I’m having an extremely difficult time with forming any sort of relationship with his parents. I don’t trust them, they don’t listen to me it seems and I can’t see the light through all of this.