My Pepsi zero and pretzels lunch   
Story time! It’s long. 

So I (32) met my bf (55) through my old job. He’s older, obviously. I own a successful business that I built up myself and he isn’t well off, financially. It’s genuine. I’m adding this because I know there will be speculators lol. He’s just a great guy and he made me very happy. 

So he was married when we met but was separated. I didn’t know, I thought everything was normal. So fast fwd about a year and a half and they had gotten back together and were separating again. Him and I started flirting back and forth because according to him, they weren’t together. Things got more serious and we started dating. 

Things seemed normal. We were going on public dates. Texting and calling all the time. Etc. It eventually came out that he was still living with his wife, but they stayed in separate bedrooms (he had previously insinuated that she moved out) then ultimately came out that was also a lie. 

I have to add here that he is a recovering alcoholic. This next part may be a trigger and also mentions self harm. 

Fast forward about 3 months in. I didn’t know about his wife staying there. It seemed like she was staying in her own place. He went on a drinking bender and was staying at a hotel. That’s when it came out that she had been “sleeping in their spare bedroom” he went off the rails. Threatening suicide. Sending pics of his meds and using that to scare me. So I called ambulance, just in case. While he was in psych hold everything came out. He was lying about the separation and he just did a really good job at hiding it. She was never sleeping on the couch. Etc. she found out about me and that’s why he started drinking. 

I forgave him because she really did leave and they really had been discussing a separation. It just hadn’t happened yet. I know, stupid! 

He got sober again and got his finances, assets, etc in order so he could file for divorce. She didn’t want to at first, but he made it clear this was the end. So he filed. A week or so later he came to me with a date but failed to present paperwork or anything. In my state, they automatically mail a notification of court to all parties and their attorneys. So I wrote it off to him being irresponsible. He was still getting himself back to normal after his insane bender. I did think it was weird that the date was a little over 5 months out, but they did have a house and vehicles that needed sold and split up etc. No minor children. 

About 2 months later he went on another bender. He thought it would be best to go to his adult sons to get clean. About 650 miles away. That turned into a disaster and I took a last minute flight to meet him and drive him home. That was 3 months ago and things have seemed to be going great since then! 

Until the court date came and went and he said they had to file a continuance to gather their bank info. I called BS and checked the court dockets. NOTHING. I called attorneys office. NOTHING. I checked the particular judges dockets. NOTHING! 

I confronted his wife about it and SHE LIED FOR HIM!!!!! She told me the exact same story as him, minus some important details about what paperwork was missing. So when I confronted HIM about it, he came clean. 

Now he’s begging me for another chance and throwing the money he got for selling his house at me, etc! I don’t want anything from him at this point. 

But now I have to pay him back for a car, a cruise, and him helping to remodel my 2.5 yr olds bedroom. I just feel so trapped and so damn stupid for not checking in the first place!!!

I moved him in about a month ago. We’ve been together almost a year. I just can’t keep dealing with this, and my daughter absolutely loves him! But I have no choice but to make him leave. 

Boyfriend lied about being separated