Been calorie counting for almost 30 years, wish I could escape it

Always had problems with weight. People were often genuinely confused by how little i ate in comparison to fat retention. Turned out i indeed have several disorders that severely impacts my metabolic rate- runs 10-20% slower than the average individual, in addition to coming from a long line of obese people prone to blood sugar problems & diabetes (which, knock on wood, I've been doing my damndest to not develop).

I started packing on as much muscle as possible and being as active as possible in my 30s in order to increase the amount I can eat. But damn i am tired. The food noise is constant.

Tried getting on a glp-1 but insurance wouldn't cover it and I can't afford out of pocket.

I wish I could just eat what I want and not care, stop putting so much thought and energy into every damn thing I eat or drink.

That's it. I applaud everyone here who has taken the journey, because it's a lifetime