I don't care anymore

Yeahhh... So, I just don't really care about the better future anymore

I've been just barely surviving and getting by, from a couple years, I don't have any new good memories of these days, well actually I barely have any good memory at all, there's nothing much I think is worth living for, the only thing that was preventing me from ending it all was just hope of that it will get better, and I'll have a better future and whenever I thought of dying, I would get scared of losing that chance of that better life and I would cry, whenever I had a suicidal thought, I didn't really wanted to die despise wanting to die, and I would get scared and panic and fear the end and the regret of not having the life I want..

But I don't see that hope anymore, I don't really see what's gonna make it any different, I'm not scared of the thought of dying anymore , it feels pretty peaceful even, I would to have that peace of mind, I don't really would regret anything or feel any sad if I just sleep forever right in the instant

I don't have much to look forward to, everything is kinda exhausting, with each day it keeps getting worse, I hate my body, I hate my life

I don't have anything that I really like or anything that's worth living for, what's even the point, I don't have anyone that I care about.

I don't wanna get a job, well I can't even myself have the ability to get one and manage it either, I don't like anything, my life kinda sucks, my parents are broke, and they don't care about my mental health, I've told them a thousand times to at least maybe take me to a physcologist / therapist, they don't care, oh I'm also trans, I hate the fact how this body will only keep getting worse and unbearable with time, since I can't get hrt either, cause well my parents don't care about that either, thry couldn't care less about anything (I'm 16 yo rn), I I really really hate my body and voice and everything, I don't even Want everyone to even look at me

I have a hard time trying to do anything at all, as much as I try, I end up doing nothing, it's been years, sometimes I feel like as if I life's just set on the hardest difficulty for me, there's no single thing that's good about it, you can talk about any perspectives life and I probably can think of all the thousand flaws, noo no I'm not being a jerk who just doesn't see the good and always complaining about everything, it truly is bad

Soo anyways yeah that's all about me, so I kinda think of leaving now, it just doesn't intruige me anymore, I hope to leave soon, tho I do be wishing something changes and I have a reason to cling on this world for longer, but I don't really care if it doesn't, atleast I'll be at peace, it sounds very pleasant actually