My (33F) girlfriend wants to breakup with me (30M) after every argument. But she always comes back. What do I do?

Hi Reddit

I’ve been dating a beautiful woman since I started staying in Korea since February. We get along and are extremely attracted to each other but the problem is the fights can be so mean and toxic that they almost always end up with her saying “maybe you’re not the one for me” or “I want to break up with you”.

I’m a calm person and I don’t like engaging in arguments that are mean and nasty. If someone says a nasty thing about me I tend to not engage until they calm down. My girlfriend gets mad if I don’t give her what she wants.

For example, one night while I was in Japan with my family for my birthday vacation. She called me one night and complained about her co-worker who touched her leg. She was also drinking a little. I listened to her as a good bf should. Things were fine until she asked me why I went quiet one time when 2 girls walked past us on the street. I couldn’t remember what she was talking about and I asked her to explain what happened. She said that the wine was making her true emotions come out. I said that alcohol can also make you think bad thoughts too. This angered her and she hung up on me. I didn’t call back and went to sleep. She tried to call me the next day and I said I wasn’t in the mood to call after the previous nasty call but that I could call her the next day. This angered her and she brought up the topic of breaking up. I agreed, we didn’t talk for a few days and then she came back. This was the start of a pattern.

Whenever I say no to her she gets shocked and says things like “I’m not a real man” or “I’m childish”. For example I told her that I can’t call everyday because it’s just something I’m not good at doing. But I said every 2nd day is okay. This made her bring up the topic of breaking up again. I agreed and she didn’t talk to me for a few days but then she came back and explained that I should call her after every argument like this and that that was how she wanted the problems to get solved. She purposely left me on read for those few days expecting me to call her. That just feels manipulative and that’s why I don’t do it.

What should I do in these situations? I’m not an angry person and I don’t like talking to someone if they start becoming mean and attacking my character. My gf does this and she gets upset when I tell her I don’t want to talk to her until she talks to me in a kinder and loving manner. This makes her want to break up with me. Is this a game on her part? Or am I just being an avoidant partner?

TL;DR: my girlfriend breaks up with me and then comes back a few days later after almost every argument. It can be about small things like me not wanting to call or me wanting to be alone when she’s in a bad mood. She tells me it’s not a fake breakup because she genuinely feels like she can’t communicate with me during important moments. I feel like she’s being manipulative and I’m too old to play games like this. What should I do?