I still miss her

I still miss her and now I'm thinking about all the things I did wrong over the years. I made plenty of mistakes too. I just wish we could have one fair shot. I wish she'd give it a real shot with me.

Was it just me talaga? I find it so hard to believe because she acknowledged the intimacy we shared and admitted to liking it, to feeling something. So let's put it all together, if we have physical chemistry, and she thinks I'm smart and pretty, what is it that's missing for us to give it a shot? Why is she so scared?

I'm tired of being sad and disappointed over this. I just want it out of my system but it's something that's been building for a very long time that I only had the courage to face completely recently. I suppose it's guilt rin, for holding such a torch despite multiple serious relationships.

Idk, take this as a sign to sack up and remember you only live once. If there's someone out there you have feelings for, let them know with no ambiguity. Try it out even if you might crash and burn because a what if, an almost, a state of limbo will leave you aching far longer than outright heartbreak from a failed relationship or an unambiguous rejection. Clarity is the best thing to give and receive.

And if by some miracle, she's reading this and she knows it's for her, I hope she reaches out when she's figured it out. I hope she knows that even though I was hurt, I'm also sorry for the part I played in her uncertainty. I'm sorry for being an insensitive and immature person in the past. I'm sorry I wasn't able to make her feel safe with me. I'm sorry and I understand her reservations. I love her, even if it scares her off, I can't help that I love her.