Lovong your friend is shit

Where do I start?
I’m friends with a girl that I’ve met more than 6 years ago. We’ve been always good with each other, had sometimes more and sometimes less contact with each other, but we never had a conflict or anything like that.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2025, I’m in Basic Training in the military and we didn’t have much contact back then.
One day she replied to an IG Story of mine and we started texting again. It didn’t take long and we’ve called each other every evening or even Facetimed. On weekends we’ve met and hung up.

It came how it had to came and the fckn Oxytocin hit me like a freight train, but how shouldn’t it. We’ve texted and called everyday, she was one of the few people of my hometown I had regularly contact to.

So when I couldn’t make the signals more obvious I had to confess to her. And obviously it was one sided.

She made offer to break contact for a while, so some grass can grow over the whole thing.
I refused, I couldn’t handle a break of contact. Not only do I love her in a romantic way but she was also a very important platonic friend of mine.

In the following months she got a boyfriend, I don’t know who he was and I couldn’t care less. Nevertheless I felt betrayed, even though I know that it’s not her fault liking someone else.

Beginning of 2026 I decided that I had to break contact, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I still missed her, but it less than last year.

2-3 weeks ago I heard that she was single again. I knew that it wouldn’t change anything for me but still It was kinda…, idk.

A week ago we met at a hospital (we both work now in EMS). She asked if we could talk but my unit had to go to the next call.
I’ve asked later that day per text if she had anything important to talk about.
She replied no but this started that we’re were texting again. I liked it, I still missed her but I already was worried to be hurt again.

We’ve met this week, and after I drove home I texted that I have to break contact again, I didn’t want to do it but I had to. It hurts being with her but Instill want to be with her.
She replied that it’s okay and the she understands and everything but that’s not helping.

And I don’t even know I am sharing all this, I’m not really seeking for advice or help. It’s something that I have to solve myself but I just needed some place to share because getting into that overthinking alone is not helping either.
I just miss her but it hurts being with her.