I don’t know if i want to be with my partner of 5 years

Burner account for obvious reasons.

I don’t know if i want to be with him anymore. I don’t know if i love him. I don’t know if i actually want to stay with him or if i’m scared of throwing away 5 years. I’m worried i’ll regret it. I don’t know if i’ve just settled into thinking its easier to stay with him instead of going through all the beginning stages again. He obviously adores me and gives me everything i want but also it’s not the same anymore.

We stopped having sex regularly about 2 years in when i kept getting swapped between different contraception methods because they were giving me poor mental health. It obviously messed with my hormones and it just wasn’t something my body felt like it could do regularly anymore. It may also be a mental block though. My drive came back not long after stopping contraception completely but then went again.

He always said he was scared of me stopping contraception in case it’s true that it makes you lose interest in your partner/ find other people attractive. I’m thinking maybe he was right.

We live together at my parents house and it was a very quick decision due to some circumstances that changed with his home. It just feels like we’re roommates now. Mostly because of the sex thing. But also his lifestyle and work doesn’t add up with mine and we’re barely awake at the same time. He also barely even hugs me if i ask for it. It’s so bipolar (i hate to use that word but it’s the only word i can think of).

I can’t imagine life without him and it upsets me thinking about it but i also can’t imagine life with anyone else. I’m just so stuck. I don’t know. I don’t even know what else to say