The Gates Where Open.....

I don't think you knew

how wide I opened the gates for you.

Not just the door,

not just the lock,

but every little thing

I usually keep guarded.

The walls came down quietly.

The ropes disappeared.

The safety net was nowhere to be found.

And there you were.

Smiling that stupid, goofy smile

that somehow became my favorite thing

before I even realized

it had happened.

You opened every door for me,

held my hands,

squeezed my fingers,

touched my arms like

you were reminding me

that I was there with you.

And I let you.

I let myself sit close.

I let myself reach for you.

I let myself kiss you

without thinking twice.

I let myself be soft.

I let myself believe

that maybe this could become something.

And somewhere between

your voice calling me baby

and the way you looked at me

when you smiled,

I stopped protecting myself.

I wasn't pretending.

I wasn't imagining it.

It was real.

Those days were real.

The laughter was real.

The closeness was real.

The things we told each other

were real.

And maybe that's why

it hurts so fucking much.

Because yesterday

I was standing inside something

I thought we were building,

and today

I'm trying to figure out

how to call it friendship.

You seem to have found

the new road so easily,

while I'm still standing

beside the old one,

looking at every footprint

we left behind.

The doors you opened.

The hands you held.

The kisses.

The laughter.

That fucking smile.

I wish I could pack it all away

and stop feeling the ache

every time my mind plays it back.

But I don't regret opening the gates.

I regret only

that I thought they could stay open.

So for now,

I'm chaining them shut.

Not because what happened

was a mistake.

Not because I wish

I had never met you.

But because my heart

needs somewhere quiet

to heal.

Maybe someday

I'll look back and smile.

Maybe your name

won't make my stomach twist.

Maybe your voice

won't feel like something

I need to avoid.

Maybe that goofy smile

will just be a memory.

A beautiful one.

A painful one.

A real one.

And I'll be okay

knowing that for a little while,

the gates were open,

and I was brave enough

to let someone in.