SAHM advice w husband

I am F(22) and he is M(25), we’ve been married for three years. we have a 15mo son. i’m a SAHM (and very appreciative of that fact), and he works night shifts 4x/week from 1:30-12:30 (or an hour more for OT).

Our son is very active, which is usual for toddlers- only sitting if he’s eating (properly) or sleeping. i could clean the house within a few hours before he was walking, but now he wants to help and be involved, and i’m never going to say no to him wanting to help me unless for his safety. Now, cleaning takes twice as long.

Not to mention, i have to re-clean up the same messes two-three times a day, not including cooking, as i cook everything from scratch.

My husband gives $50/week, which right now with his pay i think it seems reasonable enough. i don’t splurge on anything so i usually have enough money to be happy with.

Now, today i asked him to change our sons diaper as he had pooped and i just wanted to see if he would. he hasn’t changed more than probably five diapers in a few months. He didn’t, and so of course i got a little irritated with him. i told him why, but he replied that i don’t ever do what he asks around the house.

For reference, he hasn’t cleaned or cooked in two years.

Our house isn’t very dirty, it’s just messy. Counters are somewhat covered in things, the dining table may have some stuff on it, maybe one or two loads of laundry hasn’t been done. He’s a veteran so he has the expected cleanliness for someone to inspect. i’ve told him his expectations are too high, but he doesn’t think so.

Today he told me that our son isn’t an excuse not to get stuff done, and to just ignore him when he’s being angry. I didn’t reply to that, because honestly i don’t know if he actually understands how things work when he’s not here.

When he is here in the mornings, he has about two hours with us before he leaves, and every minute of that on a normal day is him laying on the couch doing nothing.

On weekends, is more or less the same. Or he’s out with his guy friends either at the range or working on cars.

During my son’s nap i usually pick up around the house or take a break. He goes to sleep at 9, and i’ll continue to do stuff around the house until 9:30. i essentially clock out afterwards, as i prioritize me time. He thinks i don’t need that.

I guess i’m just asking for insight from outside? Preferably from both husbands and wives, as i don’t want to seem biased in this post. Am i not doing enough? I DO LOVE HIM- just to be absolutely clear. this is just a rough patch for me.

tl;dr i’m asking if im not doing enough as a SAHM when in my opinion i clean everyday, cook multiple meals a day, parent my 15mo and cycle through this everyday- my husband does nothing at home. he works full time & gives $50/week.