Im spiraling bc I dont know if this conflict is resolved, and if it was healthy or not

Disclaimer: Sorry, this is hard to explain so it might be messy. Also I'm inexperienced in dating, and an over thinker, lol, so please bear with me and have some kindness.

But yeah I need advice or thoughts.

I'm seeing/"dating" someone but it's already long distance and we've met around 2 months ago. He is wonderful, and we are compatible in a lot of ways, but not on our views of distance.

He is very skeptical of LDRs, whereas I am optimistic towards the idea. So obviously, that causes some friction and makes me anxious.

He visited me and had made a comment indirectly implying/confirming why distance is bad. So that made me overthink and made me anxious, upset, annoyed.

I am unfortunately a cryer - if I am stressed or overwhelmed, my body will cry, it's just what happens. so I think he saw the tears and got a bit freaked out. He listened and responded well, but his demeanor (face, body language and sometimes his tone) seemed really nervous/distressed and panicked. Which makes me feel really horrible for stressing him out.

I told him I was scared of getting hurt, he told me what he's most scared of, we weighed options, I told him I dont want a situationship, he said it's still early and we still don't know what will happen (which is valid and true), etc etc.

At one point, he said "if you ask me right now, my gut says dont pursue it", which made me sad to hear, and I told him that before he arrived, I had considered cutting it off completely but decided not to because I think he's special.

At some point, he said the two options are: we keep getting to know each other but risk getting hurt if it fizzles out when our masters start, or we call it off now. He asked me "what do you want to do?". I thought about it for a minute. I said I want to keep talking, so he said "okay, so let's do that then".

So that convo was hard, there was no yelling, but I was crying and he was being a bit pessimistic, but ultimately we agreed to keep getting to know each other and see where it goes rather than calling it off.

And then later that day, I was upset again for a related but different reason, and I told him, and then that night he said he felt really bad for being pessimistic and said he thinks it will work out. Before he'd arrived, I told him that because he doesn't see a possible future, I can't sleep with him bc it will hurt me, but we can be friendly and get to know each other. We called and he'd said he thinks he changed his mind. He visited, we slept together many times, and then he said earlier (the first convo) that his gut is telling him to not pursue it (even tho we ended up agreeing to continue). So I felt used, and I told him it felt strategically timed, which he apologized for.

Then, that NIGHT, I was fine, but he asked me before we slept "is there anything else you wanna talk about?", I said "no, is there anything else you wanna talk about?". And he said he just feels really bad for being pessimistic, and I said "dont feel bad, just say how you feel. But why do you want to keep seeing me if you have no hope?" and he said that sometimes he is conflicted on what he wants, but he then said that he thinks he wants to pursue it and he thinks it will work out.

We cuddled a bit, slept, and he left the next day at 4am for his flight.

***

I am super inexperienced in dating, and on top of that, long distance is inherently uncertain, so it's stressful. But I like him a lot. I just don't know how to handle conflict well, and I also dont know if conflict this early on is unhealthy??

A few of my concerns:

1. I dont want to be manipulative, I dont want to guilt trip him by crying. I obviously don't cry with a purpose of guilt tripping, but I can see that someone would feel guilty.
2. I don't want him to feel that he has to walk on eggshells to appease me, or that he can't say what he feels
3. I feel like I raised a problem out of nothing. we landed back on square 1 as in, I wanted some type of clarity on where this was going because my fear is it fizzling out, yet we still decided to keep talking despite the risk of it fizzling out.
4. This may be my anxiety talking, but I don't know if he said he wants to pursue it and it will work out out of his own will, or out of guilt.
5. Telling him it felt strategically timed, in hindsight, is horrible of me. I should not have implied such an immoral accusation, he is a good guy, and to say that must have felt horrible to him. To accuse someone is never okay.
6. I dont' know how well the conflict was resolved. Like, I said all I needed to say, and (I hope) he did too, and we concluded that we will try and that he "thinks it will work out", but I can't tell if there's still lingering awkwardness or not? I am an over thinker, so maybe there isn't. But it was a hard conversation and I think it felt way more escalated because I cried, and I can't tell if he said he wants to pursue it out of guilt/panic, or because he truly wants to.
7. Do I apologize?? I don't know whether to apologize for coming across as intense/harsh. It happened a few days ago and he left already, and we called today and didn't talk about it at all. But I dont know if I did anything worth apologizing for, or if I'm being harsh on myself, or if he even wants to talk about heavy stuff again.

I just don't know man. My parents were not good examples of healthy communication or conflict. And I've never had a boyfriend/never gotten to the conflict stage in dating, so I dont know how it should be, I dont know how to handle it or whether or not it's healthy, etc. I'm just spiraling and I need advice, or reassurance, or help. Lol

But most importantly, again, do I bring it up again to apologize? My anxious brain likes to over apologize, overexplain etc, but I genuinely don't know if I should apologize for coming across harsh or something, or if I should tell him that I cry easily and that it's not because of him, or apologize for accusing him, etc? Because also, he is back in his home country right now, and it's been a couple days since the convo, so I don't want to open the door again if it's closed. I just can't tell if it's closed.

And did we handle this conflict poorly? Or well? it was definitely a hard conversation, and emotions were high (at least on my end lol), but there was no yelling or swearing, no interrupting, we still listened. But I just dont know if there was a real resolution. And I don't know if I accidentally accused him of something, you know?