Hyper awareness or overthinking?

The world is big. My problems feel very real to me, at the same time, they’re fragments of my thoughts alone. Like how I delay getting stuff done. I get suffocated by expectations I set myself. Especially since I am only in school and have yet to experience real life problems. But to be honest, death is a normal visitor in my mind. To be exact, it lives there. How ironic. I feel all the more helpless when I see wars, human trafficking, and corruption around the world. I cry each time I read and see injustice that make my self-issues become molecular in comparison. But instead of pushing myself to stray away from these thoughts, they are amplified because in my mind— it’s all for nought. I keep comparing myself to everyone. Whether be it their situation is better or worse.

I keep searching for communication when I don’t provide it myself. It’s not much of a stretch to say I don’t understand love nor do I understand humans outside of texts. I’m a writer, I could articulate their meaning and all— but as far as to say I’ve felt it myself, I think not. The amount of “I”s in this text alone shows how much of a narcissistic view this is, but I can’t help it. I feel like a trash human being. Telling others or adults in my life is something I haven’t even considered. I don’t want to be deemed crazy. But that’s the stigma I’ll have to live with if I dare say anything in the community I live in. I don’t feel like any of the relationships I have are real.

How do I even begin to get better?:c