Trump's Diaper Revealed As Active Threat To Air Force One

Shortly before the departure from Turkey, officials described hearing something resembling a large water balloon bursting from a location near the president's ass. Attending aides quickly became incapacitated from what they described as "the stench of sewage, bile, and piss." In a move that is credited for saving the lives of all on board, Secret Service agents made a decision to move the president to a decoy plane outfitted with chemical warfare defensive capabilities. High resolution photographs showed what appeared to be skid marks on the runway as the president's plane took off.

While acknowledging the president is generally full of shit, White House officials revealed that the new Air Force One gifted from Qatar was not updated to handle such massive loads. "Donald Trump is the most productive president in American history," according to a White House spokesperson authorized to speak on the matter. The estimated $15,000,000 needed to safely contain and sanitize the plane after the extraordinary contents of Trump's bowels are released will be hotly debated in the next Senate appropriations meeting.

Israeli intelligence sources have long warned that Iran is close to deploying a new shoulder launched, shit seeking missile and this may also have been a factor in the decision to move the president to a more secure aircraft. Security experts are also concerned that JD Vance could be vulnerable as Trump's number two in the White House.