Fried rice with chicken and ketchup. 

I had a crush on my cousins best friend since 2 years. He is charming, funny and just my type. We started talking over chat and even face timed recently the past 16 months with a few months break in between. I thought there was something going on. 

So I confessed to him 3 months ago and he said he did had feelings for me but would not pursue a relationship with me because of the distance. My cousin and my crush live in a neighbor country. It's 4-6h far but honestly, him saying he did had feelings for me made me hopeful there could be something happening and that's the worst part. Of course I told myself if he doesn't like that much that even distance is a no go then why keep crushing over? But my heart just kept being hopeful. 

I told him I would get over my feelings to need some time off, which I did. I took some time off but when we started talking again it all came back again. 

Yesterday I told him that and when he told me directly he does not like me. I started crying over call because my hopeful romantic idiot kept believing there could be something just so my heart gets crushed again. He kept apologizing for needing to reject me over call. He was so sweet about it. 

I felt relieved and at the same time so sad. We are not talking anymore, I told him we can't text or call anymore I don't wanna catch feelings again. 

But i'm so sad and crushed over the fact I lost a friend and my crush at the same time. 

Life goes on but I'm honestly just so done with love. Just wanted to vent here if you made it this far you are so sweet. Thanks for reading. 💕

Two year long crush rejected me. Finally.