It's been over a year since I left Islam

My parents converted around before we were born, we are not from a Muslim community or culture, but as converts usually are they overcompensated for that by being really extreme and fundamentalist.

I have faced severe abuses from them over this guise and it completely destroyed me to the point of almost taking my life because I always felt I could never be good enough for allah

Anyway deep down I always wanted to leave islam but if I did my parents would probably literally kill me and I was always terrified of shirk until I looked into the Quran and Hadiths over the course of years and eventually realized there is no way this is anything holy or special or true.

Islam is FALSE!! I have been an ex muslim for over a year now secretly but still live at home and cant leave, they wont let me until Im married, and I cant leave until i finish school anyways.

It wouldnt matter but it does, I hate pretending to be Muslim.

My family forces us to all pray together to earn "more rewards" (battle pass ass religion, "27x points for group prayer! 100x points at this location!")

And it makes me physically sick, especially because of trauma associated with my unrelatedly abusive parents and them forcing me to pray to a demonic twisted idea of a god and I hate wearing that stupid hijab I  never want to wear it again

My older sister has just voluntarily sold herself off into a marriage with a foreign Muslim man she hasn't even known for more than a few months and she cant even tell me any basic facts about him like his favorite color or what he does

I asked her what does she think about people who bring up Aisha's age because since she was playing with doll's in Muhammad's house in a hadith, this means she was absolutely prepubescent because once you reach puberty it is haram to play with dolls for fear of shirk, and she said it was ok for Muhammad to have sex with a 9 year old child because he is Muhammad

So yeah, I'm fcking sick of pretending like this is ok.

My mom has now converted her formerly non-practicing Christian mom (my grandma) to islam, and encourages my sister to befriend christians to try and convert them

Our new neighbors who are jehovas witnesses came to our house to give a flyer and instead of acting like a normal nice new neighbor and saying no thank you nice to meet you, my dad went out to attack them and  start preaching islam and how holy it is that allah commanded no music and little girls must cover their bodies for being "too sexy" but oh look sex slavery is halal! 4 wives is halal! child marriage is halal! attacking others is halal! mashallah.......

I'm so done it corrodes my soul to sit their and act fine with all this bullshit

But if I tell them,

They'll probably disown me at best or physically be violent toward me and lock me at home forbidding me to finish my studies to avoid "non muslim influence" at worst.

The good thing is i dont have much to lose...

My dad is jobless and forbids my mother and sister to work because they happen to be female and thats "embarassing" and they say woww mashallah yes sir

Im the only one out of them who has somewhat of a job back at my university and possibly could survive on my own if im disowned, but im still partially dependent on them as a family as i am 18

It is not so reasonable or easy for a young adult especially a woman to lose her entire family support system 

And my family is extremely controlling and strict and would rather force me to drop out for allahs sake and trap me at home until i can get married

It all makes me want to puke...

And worst part is if i was born a generation or two earlier, my family wouldnt be one that voluntarily colonized itself by islam

Help! What should I do?

Tell them or not?



Should I tell my family I'm not Muslim anymore